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| Me: Triggered |
I'm not a sore loser.
Really, I'm not. After England
lost to New Zealand – once I'd finished crying into my pint and screaming at
the television – I was really pretty relaxed about the whole thing. We'd played alright and taken the world's
best team over the last decade to within a point…not a bad day's work. I'd even begrudgingly accepted 'that'
Courtney Lawes decision as being probably correct. Everything was set for me to continue life as
a normal human being and move on.
However, I have too much spare time and not enough mates,
and so I re-watched the game; specifically the 'incident'. Again and again. And something still didn't sit right with
me. Then, suddenly, it clicked – and by
suddenly, I mean over a period of hours in which I studied various definitions, signed up for World Rugby's Regulation website and fired up a blog which I haven't worked on for 30 months – Courtney Lawes was
categorically not
offside. I could now bathe in the waters
of righteousness and legitimately bleat on and on about how 'we were robbed' to
anyone who would listen. Which was
unsurprisingly few people, but at least I now know how it feels to be Scottish.
Of course, this is all a moot point. England lost, the All Blacks won (again), and
despite my poorly-received petition to have the result reversed, it won't have
a bearing on the history books. And
before you roll your eyes and say "Wow, loser, get over it, England lost,
they threw it away, GO THE MIGHTY ABS, justice for dodgy decisions against
Wales, South Africa etc", I completely agree with you. The real reason England lost was a series of mistakes in the last 5 minutes of the first half, a failure to take the points in the second half, an unwillingness to take a drop goal and, of course, the resiliance of the All Blacks.
But I'm English, and I like moaning. So here we are.
The TMO's Call
When Garces went 'upstairs', I assume it was because he
was as surprised as the rest of us that we had managed to score…surely there
must be something amiss? And, lo and
behold, Courtney Lawes' elastic legs appeared to have creeped in front of the
offside line. When looking at the
replay, Marius Jonker seemed to be applying the 'ruck' offside rule, which
states:
"Each team has
an offside line that runs parallel to the goal line through the ruck
participants' hindmost foot". (Rule 15.3)
Looking at the picture below, there are no English players in
the 'ruck' (more on that later), so we take the furthest foot of the All Blacks
at the time TJ Perenara picks the ball up – and that hefty hoof appears to
belong to Ofa Tuugafasi. If you watch
the replay, Lawes is onside until a second before Perenara goes to kick, and is
only moved to an offside position when the 'ruck' – and Tuugafasi's boot –
rumbles forward by about a meter.
Boom. Offside. I could live with that.
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| The 'offside', as called by the TMO |
Matt Todd
But then my eyes wandered to Matt Todd, who must be the
longest serving third-choice openside flanker in international history (albeit
he'd be first choice pretty much anywhere else). Todd is initially bound to the 'ruck', but
then it shifts forward, leaving Todd with a single hand seductively placed on
the ample cleft of Dane Coles' junk.
Another flick through the rule book reveals that, at a ruck:
"A player must bind
onto a teammate or an opposition player" (Rule 15.7).
And what is a bind I head you ask? (You probably didn't).
The Rules define a bind as "Grasping another player's body firmly between the shoulders and the hips,
with the whole arm in contact from hand to the shoulder".
Todd has a hand lightly placed on Coles' right cheek. Meaning he is not bound, meaning the ball is
now out of the 'ruck', meaning it's open play, meaning there are no offside
lines, meaning Lawes is onside, meaning GLORY FOR ENGLAND AND SAM
UNDERHILL. Or something like that.
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| The gentleman's caress, which is not a 'bind' |
The Twist
Smug at my achievement of unravelling something which
would have no effect at all on the game or the result, I sat back before a
shocking revelation of M Night Shyamalan proportions hit me.
There was no ruck.
In what can only be described as the rugby
equivalent of the twist in the Sixth Sense, I see no English people in that
'ruck'. A ruck is only formed when "at least one player from each team are
in contact, on their feet and over the ball.." (Rule 15.2).
Watch the replay.
George Ford makes the tackle on Mo'unga and, faced with Coles and
Tuugafusi', the men in white are wise enough not to bother getting
involved. This instead, makes a 'tackle'
offside situation, the kind of rule introduced to stop those pesky Italians from
ruining the prawn sandwich brigade's days out at 'HQ' by avoiding rucks and,
thus offside lines.
However, a brief foray into the world of social media, suggests that a lot of people are a bit confused by the 'new' rules - thinking that the 'tackle' offside line turns the 'tackle' into a 'ruck'. It doesn't. The 'Tackle' has its own offside rules, distinct to the ruck rules.
"Offside lines
are created at a tackle when at least one player is on their feet over the
ball, which is on the ground. Each
team's offside line runs parallel to the goal line and through the hindmost
point of any player in the tackle or on their feet over the ball." (Rule
14.10)
Well, this complicates things. Ford is still involved with the tackle (i.e.
next to him on the ground), with the All Blacks players on their feet, over
Mo'unga and the ball. So far, so
normal. The offside line runs level with
Ford's tiny noggin, meaning Lawes appears to be just onside.
Ford rolls away from the tackle zone, so he is no longer
involved with the tackle. It's this
movement that pulls three All Black players away from Todd's bind, and away
from the ball, which by now is miles away from the New Zealand heavies at the front of rumble. By the time Peranara goes
to kick, the only player "on their
feet over the ball" is the unbound Matt Todd. His hand, caressing Coles' bottom, is now the
'hindmost' point in the 'tackle' situation.
Meaning Lawes, angelic little scamp that he is, is onside by about a
metre. Meaning, once again, glory for
England and Sam Underhill.
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| The 'Tackle' Offside line |
*****
Sadly, nothing I write will ever change the fact that
England lost, we threw away a 15 point lead and – let's face it – I'd have been
entirely confident in the All Blacks scoring a winning try in response from the
ensuing restart had the try been given.
The sight of Sam 'no neck' Underhill running like constipated badger and
turning the world's best player inside out will count for naught.
But at least we can now try some of this judicious moaning
that everybody else seems so fond of.
And before you ask, the answer is no. I am not fun at a party.
