Well, we may all be enjoying the summer, having a few beers, burning a few barbecues and, in my case, developing a truly spectacular 'wife-beater' vest tan-line, but on some small patch of grass there is a group of over 50 individuals working themselves into the ground for the chance to represent England at the World Cup. I could almost feel sorry for them, if this beer wasn't quite so delicious.
Now, this is only Part 1, since I realised that the article would be even more tedious than normal if I tried to fit a review of all 50 in, but in the meantime, here's my take on the As to Ks of the squad - and there's some bum-clenchingly tight calls in there, which I will probably change my mind on tomorrow. Especially Burrell or Eastmond. That's a tricky one.
Stay tuned for Part 2, if you have nothing better to do...
Chris Ashton (Saracens)
Ah Chris, you absolute jar of marmite of a man. Another cracking season for Sarries, sure, but the harsh truth is that he wasn't able to get into the starting line-up for the Premiership Final and, whenever we think he's performed well enough to get into the England squad, he goes and ballses it up again in a white shirt. I'm a fan of the Ash Splash, but he's had too many chances for me.
VERDICT: OUT
Dave Attwood (Bath)
'Dangerous' Dave Attwood (I don't think that is his real nickname - he can thank me later) started the season superbly for Bath - and for England, for that matter. But he looked lethargic for his club later on and those towering displays became less frequent as the season progressed. He'll need to put in a mighty shift during the camp to impress the coaches, but he is in the front seat to go as lock number 4.
VERDICT: IN
Brad Barritt (Saracens)
He's not very fashionable, is he, our Bradley? But there is no denying what he brings to the side - defensive discipline, aggression, physicality and a nose smeared over half of his face. And no real attacking threat. And yet he remains a player who coaches and fellow players love to have in and around the squad, because he's so committed. For me, though, he works well with creative players outside him and is a great 'physical 12' option, so I think the Saracens man has the form and attributes to merit a spot in the squad.
VERDICT: IN
Kieran Brookes (Newcastle Falcons)
I'm a big fan of the 'Fridge'. He's worked hard on his scrummaging all year and, despite looking like an Oceana doorman, he's in great shape for such a naturally big lad. What he has massively in his favour now is his physical impact in the loose, especially given that his set piece is no longer an issue. I suspect his selection in reality will come down to whether or not the coaches will take 5 or 6 props but, for me, Brookes gets the nod over Wilson as back-up tighthead because of his impact from the bench.
VERDICT: IN
Mike Brown (Harlequins)
If Brookes is the man working the door of Oceana, the Mike Brown looks like the kind of inebriated scallywag who will getting booted out. His character on the pitch is aggressive and niggly (although off the field, by all accounts, he is a charmer) but his performances on the field before taking a bang to the head were very impressive. He seemed to have rediscovered that ability to beat the first man, was solid under the high ball and - if he returns successfully from injury - the 15 shirt is his.
VERDICT: IN
Luther Burrell (Northampton Saints)
After a cracking breakthrough season, this one has been far from vintage for the Saints centre. There's no doubt he is a superb physical specimen and he is excellent at puffing his cheeks out when he runs, but beyond that I'm not convinced of his rugby brain or his defensive solidarity. He did pick his game up towards the end of the season though, and his promising combination with Jonathan Joseph should be enough to see him into the squad. Although, Eastmond will push him all the way...
VERDICT: IN
Sam Burgess (Bath)
Slammin' Sam is an interesting one. You get the impression that England want him to be a 12, but he's always looked pretty average there. At 6 though, he was starting to do some very real damage at the end of the season - getting his hands on the ball, carrying well, offloading and making some huge hits. That versatility might be attractive but a big negative for him is that he does not present a line-out option - and given the importance the coaches give to that, I don't think he'll make the final cut.
VERDICT: OUT
Danny Care (Harlequins)
If you'd have said a year ago that Danny Care would not be a shoe-in for the squad, I would have spat on your back. OK, that's a bit strong, but Care has regressed alarmingly this year - and the key aspect of it is his decision making. Gone are the lethal darts because he is not spotting the opportunities, and gone are so many chances, because he goes the wrong way off a ruck. Assuming Youngs and Wigglesworth are shoe-ins, do you pick the in-form Simpson as your electric third choice? I'd say yes.
VERDICT: OUT
Calum Clark (Northampton Saints)
The big flanker has enjoyed a successful season at Saints, but he's going to have to beat some pretty established names if he's to even get a sniff at getting into the squad. He's a physical presence and decent over the ball, but there are questions over his temperament and I don't think he really offers anything 'extra'.
VERDICT: OUT
Danny Cipriani (Sale)
Oh Danny, what have you done? After another eye-catching season with Sale and some very decent cameos with England, the ex-golden boy of England rugby looked a certainty to swan his way into the world cup squad. But after being arrested (but not charged) for drink-driving, is he going to fall foul of Lancaster's hammer of justice? Assuming that no news is good news on the legal front, I think he still has enough pizzazz to warrant a call up to the squad.
VERDICT: IN
Dan Cole (Leicester Tigers)
Probably the first name on the team-sheet these days and one of the very few English players to have a genuine claim for a place on the hypothetical World XV. Since his injury issues have subsided, the Leicester man has looked in superb form - dominating in the scrum, snaffling at the breakdown and also carrying with more energy than we have seen before. Assuming the summer sun hasn't melted his fair complexion, he's guaranteed a spot.
VERDICT: IN
Alex Corbisiero (Northampton Saints)
Eesh, this is a tough one. Joe Marler is now first choice for England, there can be no doubting that - but (assuming the injury clears up) who fits in behind him in the pecking order is a bit of a head-scratcher. My inkling is to lean towards Mako Vunipola - his scrummaging has improved over the season and his impact remains just as impressive, whilst Corbs doesn't seem to be quite the force he once was. That said, I reckon there'll be 5 props in the squad, so his ability to play both sides should see him sneak in ahead of Matt Mullan.
VERDICT: IN
Luke Cowan-Dickie (Exeter Chiefs)
Now we will put discussions of that extremely questionable mullet to one side for now and concentrate on his rugby ability - which, as has been noticed by most observers - is very, very promising. He is prone to the odd lineout wobble and he is, of course, very inexperienced, but he does seem to be moulded from the same material as Dylan Hartley (minus the occasional bout of brainlessness) and that aggression and enthusiasm he has I think could be beneficial and infectious to the squad. I'd like to see him go as third choice hooker.
VERDICT: IN
Elliot Daly (Wasps)
Ah, my wild card selection. I could do him a huge disservice and say it's just because of his ability to play 13, wing and full back, but that would be to ignore an electric season for the Wasps flyer. Like Joseph, he is blessed with quick feet and searing acceleration, and is a like-for-like replacement for JJ should something happen to the Bath man. Chuck in his displays against Toulon on the biggest club stage, his versatility and a siege gun boot (which he uses to regularly slot kicks from 50+ metres), Daly could prove to be a surprise package if he's given a shot.
VERDICT: IN
Lee Dickson (Northampton Saints)
I do feel a bit sorry for Lee Dickson. Like Barritt, he seems to be perennially underrated and unfashionable to anyone outside his club - and, to be fair, he does look like the kind of bloke who might go to Harry Potter conventions every other weekend. Unfortunately for him, his form this year hasn't hit the heights of previous seasons, and whilst he is a reliable man to have in the 9 shirt, he hasn't done enough to warrant a spot in the World Cup squad.
VERDICT: OUT
Nick Easter (Harlequins)
Big Nick has been on a rollercoaster of a journey since the 2011 'That's 20 grand down the toilet' incident, and despite continually coming across like a beefed-up Del Boy, Easter's contributions and hard work for Quins made him impossible to ignore. He's a man who's been there before and is a good character to have around the squad - but, with Morgan and Vunipola fit, is there a place for him? I don't think so.
VERDICT: OUT
Kyle Eastmond (Bath)
Don't overlook Eastmond's contribution to Bath's drool-inducing back-play this year - both Ford and Joseph credit him with the footwork and vision to make the space for others, and to scamper through gaps himself of course. England's coaches don't seem to trust him though and - perhaps understandably - like a meatier presence in that 12 shirt, which does seem to work for them. In my view, he deserves a spot in terms of ability, but may well miss out because he doesn't fit in with the game-plan.
VERDICT: OUT
Owen Farrell (Saracens)
Everything about Farrell's display in the Premiership Final highlighted why he should not be written off after a season blighted by injury, in which he lost the England 10 shirt to Ford. In the first half, especially, Farrell was tactically superb with the boot and flawless off the tee, as well as being an aggressive presence in defence. He handles pressure probably better than any other fly half in England and - for that reason - he has to go...even if not as first choice.
VERDICT: IN
George Ford (Bath)
The man who pinched Farrell's shirt was, in many people's eyes, Premiership player of the season. Despite being the size of a smurf, Ford's ability to take the ball to the line, disguise his passes and time them to perfection makes him one of the best attacking fly halves in World Rugby. He was shaky in the Premiership final, but his Bath pack were being battered - behind an English pack largely expected to dominate, Ford is the first choice without a doubt.
VERDICT: IN
Jamie George (Saracens)
One of the very few men who can legitimately say that they were grateful to receive a headbutt, the Saracens man makes the preliminary squad after Hartley's brainless bonce opened the door for a World Cup squad spot. His form at the end of the season certainly deserved it - and I'd take him without question as second choice hooker. As well as being a solid lineout operator, he strikes me as the new Steve Thompson; unnaturally mobile for someone who probably has a Krispy Kremes loyalty card.
VERDICT: IN
Alex Goode (Saracens)
Poor Alex joins Brad and Lee on the uncool list, even though his club form this year has been very eye-catching. He's solid under the high-ball and has a great boot on him, but still it's hard to see how he offers more threats than the other 15s in the squad. A mixed display against Ireland saw his international season limited to one appearance and, whilst I don't think his England career is over, I don't think his inclusion would bring the right qualities or balance to this squad.
VERDICT: OUT
James Haskell (Wasps)
You have to love the 'Brand' Haskell. Well, actually, you don't (in fact a fair few don't) but you know what you're going to get with the Wasps skipper - physicality, tireless work rate, improved breakdown technique and first-class 'bants'. Oh, and probably a shed load of dumb penalties, too. If only he could reign in that reckless streak just a smidge, then he'd be a nailed on starter. That said, he is still a must for the squad.
VERDICT: IN
Maro Itoje (Saracens)
What a season the youngster has had - I could be smug and boast that I predicted this. But I won't. Even though I did. The lock/blindside has that frightening combination of speed, athleticism and power, and his display in the Premiership final has shown he is ready to compete on the top stage. But is he ready for a World Cup? I don't think so. He seemed to go into his shell when the pressure was on against Clermont, but the ability to deal with pressure will come with experience. He's got a big future with England - just not now. But if he is selected, you will hear no complaints from me.
VERDICT: OUT
Jonathan Joseph (Bath)
Another nice, easy selection. With Manu out and 'thinking about what he has done', there can be no debate over the current occupier of the 13 shirt. The level of consistency he found this year was astounding - tearing up defences for club and country all through the year. With the electric feet he possesses, he will cause any side problems as long as he gets the ball in space. And that is England's challenge.
VERDICT: IN
George Kruis (Saracens)
Kruis falls into the bucket of talented locks that England have at their disposal, but I suspect he will be one of the unlucky ones when it comes to selection day. He was a solid and physical presence for England during the Six Nations and performed with a maturity beyond his years, but now the three first choice locks have returned, it's hard to see how he will retain his place.
VERDICT: OUT
Matt Kvesic (Gloucester)
Kvesic may look like your stereotypically stern (and quietly violent) P.E. teacher, but his technical knowledge of the breakdown goes beyond mindless rucking. The problem is that, after being deemed the heir apparent to the 7 shirt, Kvesic hasn't really hit the heights expected of him. With the other flankers available, I'm not sure that he's done enough to warrant selection - and I don't think he'll bring the right balance to the back row either.
VERDICT: OUT
So, my squad so far:
Props: Cole, Brookes, Corbisiero
Hookers: George, Cowan-Dickie
Locks: Attwood
Back row: Haskell
Half Backs: Ford, Farrell, Cipriani
Centres: Barritt, Joseph, Burrell
Wing/Fullbacks: Brown, Daly
Thoughts? Criticisms? Abuse?
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