Lions Squad - Reaction

Well, today was like Christmas.  Mostly what you expect, but with a few unwelcome surprises from a seedy uncle thrown in as well (that role in particular played by Warren Gatland).  There were several notable omissions, in the shapes of Rory Best, Chris Robshaw and Jonny Wilkinson, and some pretty leftfield inclusions – with Matt Stevens and Sean Maitland in particular raising a few eyebrows.  I’ll deal with some of the omissions later, but in the meantime, here’s my review Gatland’s Lions 2013, with an Aussie twist to get us in the mood for the tour.

 

KEY (based on quality of Aussie Beers available*)

Hahn Superdry – Exactly what you want in the harsh Australian environment – hits the spot every time.

Carlton Draft – Not exactly your first choice, but does the job OK when it comes down to it.

XXXX – Watered down and useless, only better than vomit and Tooeys New.

* Feel free to criticise my taste in beer.

 

Props

Cian Healy – HAHN – Mobile and aggressive, and a solid scrummager – the Quasimodo look-a-like was always a certain tourist

Gethin Jenkins – HAHN – Despite resembling an escaped-axe-murderer from Texas, the Toulon man had a great Six Nations, plus he has bags of experience.  Doesn’t start for his club though, so will he be undercooked or fresh?

Mako Vunipola – HAHN – Sensational club form has earned him a tour spot and he’ll bring the “Mak-Attack” to the Aussies with his explosive carries (I’m copyrighting that).

Adam Jones – HAHN – Seems a certain starter after a leading role in destroying the English scrum, and the human-yeti is now set to anchor the Lions pack

Dan Cole – HAHN – Destroyed the Toulon scrum the other week and is like an extra flanker.  Will push Jones all the way but remains a distant second in the hair stakes

Matt Stevens – XXXX – I have no idea what this bloke is doing anywhere near the Lions squad.  Smashed at scrum time against Toulon, he is a penalty machine; the Lions may as well give the Aussies a 9 point head start.  Sure, he plays both sides of the scrum...badly.  Pointless selection.

Hookers

Richard Hibbard – HAHN – Powerful, abrasive and a good scrummager, he impressed for Wales in the Six Nations with his physicality and luscious blonde locks.

 Tom Youngs – HAHN – Superb workrate, mobility and defence – aided by the fact he is geometrically perfect square – ensured he was on the plane

 Dylan Hartley – CARLTON– Lots of experience and a leader, but his temperament is questionable and it’s surprising he's ousted Best

Second Rows

Alun Wyn Jones – HAHN – Powerful and athletic, he led from the front in Wales' dominant performance against England.  As long as he doesn’t trip anyone up, a candidate to start.

Paul O'Connell – HAHN – Has roared back into form following a nasty injury, excelling for Munster and demonstrating the raw rage we’ve become accustomed to – hopefully he’ll stay wound up.

Richie Gray – XXXX – Great ability but pants season; out of form and injured.  If he hits his straps, then great, otherwise there are plenty of locks playing better rugby than the giant Scottish bimbo

 Ian Evans – XXXX – He's played reasonably but I'd take Donnacha Ryan any day, although I might be bias against Evans after he stamped on the side of Harry Ellis' knee 5 years ago, beginning the problems that ended his career

 Geoff Parling – HAHN – Was superb for England in the 6 Nations and a real lineout guru.  Plus there must be commercial benefits to taking the wearer of the “World’s Sexiest Beard” on tour

Back Row

 Tom Croft – HAHN – In sensational form for his club since returning from injury and has a stellar Lions pedigree and a titanium reinforced neck.

Dan Lydiate – XXXX – Gatland stated he based selection on "Six Nations form and relevant club games of a high enough level to draw comparison to internationals".  So, er…where does Lydiate fit in then?  I know he can be a class act, but he's played 4 games in the last 12 months – for the mighty Newport Gwent Dragons.

Jamie Heaslip – CARLTON – Had a noticeably terrible Six Nations, but a great performance against Biarritz at the weekend suggested he may be back in form

Toby Faletau – HAHN – A real workhorse and powerful defender who will be pushing for a start

Sam Waburton – CARLTON – A definite tourist but is the best captain?  In my opinion he's not even guaranteed a start.  Best of luck to him though – he can be world class on his day.

 Justin Tipuric – HAHN – Has looked like the real deal for the Ospreys this season, despite limited opportunities in an international shirt.

 Sean O'Brien – HAHN – Massive ball carrier who may well start tests.  Question is – where do you play him?

Scrum halves

Mike Phillips – HAHN – Proven operator at this level, hopefully he can find his form of his last tour and not get sent off in the second minute

 Conor Murray – CARLTON – A decent enough player, and he’s pretty physical, but I think there are better 9s in better form out there.  Prone to making the odd howler.

Ben Youngs – HAHN – In great form for his club and has a good track record against the Aussies who will be nervous of him.  Will push for a start.

Fly Halves

 Jonathan Sexton – HAHN – If he's fit, he starts.  The best 10 in the Home Nations by a fair stretch despite the fact that his eyes are so close together he’s almost a Cyclops.

 Owen Farrell – HAHN – Granted, he was pants against Toulon, but he's proven himself more than capable at international level.  Plus it helps that daddy is on the selection committee.

Centres

 Jamie Roberts – HAHN – Haven't seen a big performance in a while but there's no denying his quality and tremendous jaw line.

 Manu Tuilagi – HAHN – The most destructive ball carrying centre in the Northern Hemisphere was always going to tour – just keep him off the ferry.

 Jonathan Davies – HAHN – Yes, he had a poor Six Nations, but he's playing well for Scarlets and has stood out for Wales previously.  Hopefully we’ll be hearing more from this guy and less from that irritating twit of a namesake.

 Brian O'Driscoll – HAHN – Great to see him on his 4th tour.  A couple of Aussie fans still remember the way he shredded them to pieces 12 years ago. Guaranteed to start – should be captain.

Wingers

 George North – HAHN – Phenomenal athlete and one of the most dangerous runners in World Rugby.

 Sean Maitland – XXXX – I mean, he's a decent enough winger, but what has he done to stand out over other candidates?  A bit of Kiwi bias sneaking in perhaps…I’d rather see Wade in there.

Alex Cuthbert – HAHN – Power and pace within his huge frame, will be a force down under.

Tommy Bowe – CARLTON – I'm a massive fan of Bowe but is he ready after being rushed back from a knee injury?  I'm doubtful but would love to be proven wrong.

Full Backs

Leigh Halfpenny – HAHN – The player of the Six Nations has developed into a top player and his starting prospects are as well formed as his biceps

Stuart Hogg – HAHN – Electric pace and an eye for a gap make him just too good to leave at home.

Rob Kearney – CARLTON – Great 4 years ago, but what has he produced over the last year to merit a place?

 

Overall, 7.5/10 Gats.  No 3^rd choice fly half?  Avoiding one of the players of this year’s Six Nations (Chris Robshaw) in favour of a bloke who hasn’t played for a year?  Both big mistakes in my book but, although I have a few other relatively minor quibbles, the squad is pretty much as we expected – I picked 27 out of the 37 Lions in my squad.  The trick now, is to put rivalries aside for a couple of months and support these blokes – as Lions. 

What do you think of the Lions squad?